Part three celebrates weird achievements in video games, and it's a less detailed, more comedic portion of the awards. As with the introduction of this section last year, only one winner is chosen for each award, with a small commentary on each. Let's get to it!
BRENTIVERSE 2011 VIDEO GAME AWARDS: Novelty Awards
- The John Hancock Award (Silliest Game Title)
WINNER: El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
WHY: Just sound out the title of this game, especially picking up the box in a store, having never previously heard of it. A mildly decent action game despite its weird moniker, nonetheless, if someone asked what you were playing and you responded with the title of this game, they'd probably think that you were speaking in tongues. This was a stylish game despite its flaws, but that doesn't change that it has one bizarre name!
- The WTF Seriously Award (Most Unexpected Unlockable)
WINNER: Tron car (Saints Row: The Third)
WHY: What does Tron have to do with Saints Row? Why would I want to drive around Steelport in a Tron-themed vehicle? Who thought this up? You know what, who cares! Tron is awesome, even if it has absolutely no context even in the hyper comedic world of Saints Row, I guess, beyond that whole cyberspace thing. What was Volition smoking when they came up with that anyhow?
- The Tits McGee Award (Most Blatant Sex Sell)
WINNER: Otomedius Excellent (Xbox 360)
WHY: This is another possible contender for the year's weirdest game title, but Otomedius Excellent, believe it or not, is a spin-off of the highly beloved arcade space combat series, Gradius. What does Gradius have to do with an anime girl flashing her ass at you on the box? I'd wager, precious little. In fact, the game is apparently about Konami franchises being represented by anime girls. I can't make this up people, but you have to give Konami credit. At least they know where an otaku's priorities lie...
- The You Again Award (Most Unnecessary Follow-up or Remake)
WINNER: Goldeneye 007: Reloaded (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
WHY: This is vaguely hilarious in all of its redundance, because Activision actually screwed themselves over by putting this thoroughly needless HD remake of one of 2010's most enjoyed Wii-exclusives a week before the release of their own Modern Warfare 3, in a shooter market that was already extremely crowded. This led to the Goldeneye remake's HD overhaul selling very poorly, further lacking a justification of this HD remake in the first place. When you pair such a stupid business strategy with such a blatant slap in the face to the Nintendo community by taking away such a precious Wii blockbuster's exclusivity with an apparent 'superior' version on HD consoles, it's like Activision is TRYING to be the most hated game publisher in existence! Though some HD remakes can be alright, Goldeneye 007: Reloaded unfortunately represents everything that's wrong with this whole HD initiative, but at least I played through the Wii edition before its integrity as an exclusive was butchered by this asinine HD overhaul.
- The Burning Eyesore Award (Worst Cover Art)
WINNER: Duke Nukem Forever (PC, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
WHY: Nothing hammers home the disappointment of Duke Nukem Forever quite like its thoroughly terrible box art, a sloppy and perspective-impaired crotch shot of Duke Nukem looking down at gamers. Duke Nukem is so excessive and crass that you really couldn't come up with anything better than him thrusting his balls at us, 2K Games? This gets worse when you just look at how terrible the drawing is. It's enough to make a real game artist throw up in their laps. Duke Nukem Forever's horribly disappointing final product only got worse when we had to look at its eyesore of a package I'm afraid...
- The Twisty Passages Award (Weirdest Game)
WINNER: Rayman Origins (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Wii)
WHY: Rayman was sort of a surreal character during his introduction in 1995, but after spending some time with the rabbids, it seems that Ubisoft's insane lagomorphs rubbed off on him. I'm vaguely suspicious that Rayman creator, Michel Ancel and his entire development team downed a whole jar of shrooms before they started drawing the art and writing the level scenarios for this still amazing platformer. As excellently designed as Rayman Origins is though, it is one messed up experience at the same time. The hand-drawn art is beautiful in all of its wackiness, but it's also likely to convince some gamers that they might need a stay in rehab after they reach the end credits. Rayman Origins already stands apart from the glut of 2D platformers on account of just how amazing it is, but it probably wouldn't have been nearly as amazing if it didn't scare us just a little bit with its raw insanity too. Seriously, you're not prepared for this game until you actually sit down and play it. No, you're not high. That's just the way Rayman Origins does things...
- The One Shall Stand Award (Best Crossover Effort)
WINNER: Dead or Alive Dimensions (3DS)
WHY: Love it or hate it, Team Ninja co-operated with Nintendo on the latest Metroid game, Metroid: Other M, which came to the Wii in 2010 to mixed feedback. I liked the game well enough, and I felt that it got a bad rap simply because it was different, and Nintendo fanboys are whiny. Apparently, Nintendo and Team Ninja were still proud of their creation anyway though, since the Metroid crossover was referenced in Team Ninja's latest portable fighter, Dead or Alive Dimensions. The game featured a Metroid-themed arena where Ridley actually attacked your fighters while you were duking it out. Yes, the obvious choice for this award would have been Marvel vs. Capcom 3, but I felt that this crossover effort was more unexpected and fun. Sue me.
- The Blood Bucket Award (Most Gruesome Game)
WINNER: Mortal Kombat (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
WHY: After spending years wallowing in the pool of mediocrity, paired with original rights owner, Midway's financial woes, Mortal Kombat finally got back on its feet in 2011, just one of many proud accomplishments that fighting games made throughout the year. Not only did Mortal Kombat come back, but Warner Bros.' all-new HD revival of the series brought back all of the ludicrously over-the-top and disgustingly bloody violence that made the series so famously controversial during its high point in the 90's. That violence only made players more simultaneously amused and squeamish with cutting-edge graphics on the Xbox 360 and PS3 as well! Mortal Kombat not only stormed back on the genre scene, but it brought more gore than ever with it too!
- The Box Office Bomb Award (Worst Movie Tie-In)
WINNER: Thor: God of Thunder (DS, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Wii, 3DS)
WHY: Every year of gaming brings with it its share of shitty movie tie-ins, but Thor was in a class all its own. Harry Potter almost snatched the award with its own equally terrible game tie-in, but many people expected the Harry Potter game to be bad, especially after the first one stunk so much in late 2010. Thor's tie-in however had the potential to be so much better. Making a game where you play as a Norse god turned Marvel superhero really shouldn't have been that daunting a task, but somehow, the developers made Thor boring. I really don't know how they manage this! The HD versions on the Xbox 360 and PS3 were by far the worst, and while the game was passable on DS, it was just boring on Wii and 3DS. Thor deserves so much better, and hopefully Thor 2 can produce a game tie-in that doesn't make us want to take Mjolnir to our skulls!
- The Pixel Palace Award (Best Retro-Style Game)
WINNER: Minecraft (Steam)
WHY: Minecraft is an interesting retro chic game that allows you to create your own pixellated slice of heaven and share it with other gamers. It takes time to construct a worthwhile game world, but Minecraft is ultimately simple to play, yet endlessly addictive, just like any amazing retro chic title. A phenomenon amongst gamers, Minecraft is so wildly popular that its creator is even giving people permission to pirate it. Can you picture Nintendo saying that about Super Mario Bros. back in the 80's? Because they might as well have done so if the internet had existed!
- The Lester Award (Worst Game Character)
WINNER: Fi (The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)
WHY: What's a great idea for the new Zelda game? Remind people of how much they hate Navi of course! While gamers got to re-experience that fairy's nagging in the well-done 3DS remake of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time this year, they weren't even prepared for what would succeed her in the series' all-new proper prequel on the Wii. Fi not only nags you, but pushes you to follow Zelda for no real reason, and worst of all, CONTINUALLY bugs you to refill your hearts when your health is low. Yes, I'm not stupid, Fi. I know that I need to fill my hearts, you don't need to keep reminding me! It's almost like the annoying sidekicks in the Zelda series have become a tradition. Hopefully that changes with the original new 3DS adventure that was recently announced, and the series' inevitable debut on the Wii U when it arrives. We can only hope...
- The No Thanks Award (Most Overhyped Game That Didn't Sell)
WINNER: Duke Nukem Forever (PC, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3)
WHY: Duke Nukem Forever had over a decade to generate hype and notoriety. People were so morbidly curious about a game with such a drawn-out, tumultuous development cycle that it's sort of amazing that Duke Nukem Forever sold so poorly. Maybe people were just tired of the wait, and maybe they wanted to spite 2K for either buying the rights to the franchise or not being able to get the ball rolling, which is technically original series developer, 3D Realms' fault, but I digress. The fact is, Duke Nukem Forever's firm release sounded with more incredible fanfare than just about any other game in 2011, and it still turned dismal numbers. I guess gamers were fed up, but it's not like they missed much anyway...
- The Pinched Cheeks Award (Most Sickeningly Adorable Game)
WINNER: Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster (Xbox 360)
WHY: The idea of a Sesame Street game would probably make you laugh, even if it's made by Double Fine, but the new Sesame Street game for Kinect is not only surprisingly fun for young kids and parents to play together, but it's actually really damn cute too. This is the kind of game that you don't have to be ashamed to play with your young ones, since it's not patronizing, it's actually rather charming. Almost too charming. If only all of Double Fine's games were just so huggable!
- The Lunchtime Disaster Award (Worst Glitch)
WINNER: Goron breaks the game (The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)
WHY: This 'award' almost went to Skyrim for its rampant freezing problems when players racked up excessive game time. Even though that is a serious problem that severely cripples what is otherwise one of 2011's best games, it's mainly limited to the PS3 version, so I can't penalize the PC and Xbox 360 versions equally with this dubious honour. Thus, I turn to 2011's second-most debilitating glitch, made worse by the fact that it's located in one of 2011's only noteworthy Wii releases for core gamers, and unlike games on the PC, Xbox 360 and PS3, patches can't be downloaded for games on the Wii, so the glitch is stuck in every copy of the game, with no real solution. The glitch occurs when you talk to a certain goron character after completing the thunder dragon scenario, which prevents the game from triggering new scenarios, and thus, prevents the player from finishing it, forcing them to delete their save file and start a new game if they've saved. You can relatively easily avoid the problem by doing the thunder dragon scenario after the others, but this is still a surprisingly large, game-breaking issue in what is normally a rather bug-free series by a very thorough first-party game company that often doesn't let these problems fly before release. The new Zelda title is still easily one of 2011's best video games, but this glitch is a doozy all the same, especially for a franchise that has normally avoided bad bugs up until now!
- The Thirst Meter Award (Worst Gameplay Mechanic)
WINNER: Parkour movement (Brink)
WHY: Brink aspired and failed to copy the formula of team-based shooter gameplay that Valve did so well with Team Fortress 2. It also tried to incorporate parkour movement into the mix. The shooting mechanics were already problematic, as was the seemingly irrelevant class system, but throwing parkour into a shooter feels redundant, and like a futile attempt to make Brink stand apart from the competition even with no single-player mode, and the fact that it's an obvious clone of another game. The parkour movement is broken and unhelpful, and its inclusion in the game is pretty baffling. There were some really rotten game mechanics in 2011, but this one really didn't help a game that already wasn't great...
Next up is Part 4, the genre awards! Coming soon!
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